Bad Gnus

John Kerry has been working off the news too much. He rolls into town, touts the latest reports of bad economic data or terrifying developments in Iraq, and bitches and moans about President Bush and the awful job he's doing.

Staying on top of current events can be a good idea for a presidential candidate -- as long as most of the news is bad for his opponent. Kerry's strategy is somewhat risky, because once in a while, a story is bound to sort of break in Bush's favor.

So I'm recommending that Kerry handle the news the same way the president does: by ignoring it. There's really no need to read newspapers, or even internal documents. Just let advisers filter you the things you need, and don't lose sleep sweating the small stuff.

Just think about it. Wasn't your life better before Gary Gnu started doing his cute little schtick and introduced you to the concept of "news"? Until then you lived in a happy fantasy world with good guys, bad guys, and no one in-between. Everyone told you how special you were, and when you made a mistake, no one held you accountable, because you didn't know any better.

It was almost like being president.