Superman

Is John Kerry killing people to create martyrs for stem-cell research? Or is he psychic? First he signs a letter calling for more stem cell research the day before Reagan dies. Then he mentions his friend Christopher Reeve's support for the research in a debate, and two days later Reeve surprisingly passes on.

Yes, of course I'm kidding about Kerry killing people. He's the one pushing for research that could keep them alive. Maybe something good will come of Reeve's death if it provides another boost for that research.

So rest in peace, Superman. Those who can shoot laser beams out of our eyes need to stick together, and the world feels a little lonelier with one less of us.